When the World Silences the Spark: How Bright Children Learn to Dim Their Own Light

I was once a gregarious, energetic, endlessly curious child — the kind teachers remembered and parents sighed over. I talked too much, moved too fast, and always seemed to have a new idea or a new way of doing things. In hindsight, it was textbook ADHD mixed with natural extroversion: enthusiasm without brakes. 

But instead of being understood, I was punished. The spanking, the scolding, the “Why can’t you just sit still?” slowly replaced my laughter with caution. I learned that quiet meant safety. That shrinking meant acceptance. Over time, the outgoing child I’d been became watchful, inward, and guarded.

Years later, I saw a version of that same story unfold again — not identical, but painfully familiar — and I began to wonder: is there a name for when life beats the extroversion out of us?

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The Extrovert Who Learned to Hide

There is no neat diagnostic label for it, but psychologists have names for its pieces.

• Learned Introversion — when an expressive, outgoing temperament is punished or shamed into silence, a person adapts by suppressing their natural impulses.

• Protective Withdrawal — when social interaction becomes associated with risk, the mind builds a buffer of isolation.

• Attachment Avoidance — when trust is repeatedly betrayed, affection and openness start to feel unsafe.

• Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria — often linked to ADHD, where even minor criticism triggers intense shame or fear of rejection.

Together, these become something like trauma-induced adaptive introversion: a quieting of the spirit not because the person is truly introverted, but because the world made loudness painful.

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The Mask That Becomes a Personality

This transformation isn’t a conscious choice. It’s survival. The child who once burst with joy learns to scan the room for danger before speaking. The teen who used to lead the pack learns to sit at the edge and observe. Eventually, even as an adult, the “mask” of restraint feels safer than authenticity.

What’s most tragic is that this adaptive quiet is often praised — “You’ve matured,” they’ll say, or “You’re finally calm.” But it isn’t calm; it’s containment. It’s the cost of growing up misunderstood.

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The Ripple Through Generations

Without realizing it, cycles repeat. One generation’s punishment becomes the next generation’s silence. A once-gregarious parent may raise a child who mirrors their early energy, only to see that same light dim after emotional or social injury. The parent recognizes it — the same adaptive withdrawal they once lived — and feels powerless to reverse it.

Yet, as healing shows us, the spark never really dies. It waits for safety. For laughter that doesn’t carry consequences. For people who listen before judging.

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The Hidden Pain in “Difficult” Children

We often talk about difficult kids as if their behavior is defiance. But what if it’s a cry for engagement? For understanding? Punishing a high-energy or sensitive child for being themselves doesn’t build discipline — it builds fear. The cost isn’t just behavioral compliance; it’s emotional contraction. We lose the artists, inventors, and compassionate leaders who might have been, if only they’d been nurtured instead of subdued.

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A Call for Compassion

If you recognize this story — in yourself, your child, or someone you love — understand this: introversion born of fear is not true introversion. It’s a wound wearing patience as armor.
The world needs its exuberant, messy, creative souls — not just the quiet survivors who learned to adapt.

Listen to the children who can’t stop talking. Protect the ones who dream too loudly. See the restless ones not as problems to be fixed, but as energies to be guided.

Because sometimes, all it takes to save a spirit is to stop punishing its brightness.

Cheers! Sláinte! Na zdravie!

Compiled with aid of ChatGPT

Trump's Failing, So After Trump: What Comes Next?

When Donald Trump and his ridiculous MaGA movement finally leave the stage — whether through loss, removal, or sheer irrelevance — the real challenge won’t be what happens to him.

MAGA began as a cry for change, a promise of renewal from the Right — an appeal to restore what many believed they had lost. But it quickly became something darker: a movement that demanded others conform to its narrow values, regardless of whether they represented the majority or not.

In time, it devolved into MaGA — a twisted ideology of grievance, abuse, and control — one that perfectly fused with Donald Trump’s own criminal instincts and authoritarian impulses, creating the nightmare we’re ALL living through today. The left is left with the correct belief they were right all along. The Right is left with the nightmare of how to extricate themselves without a massive loss of "face'. Something very prominent more in China, than America.

We've been through a lot. Much of it self-imposed.

It will be what happens to us.

For nearly a decade, America has been reshaped by something far more enduring than one man: a movement. A movement that turned ignorance into a virtue, cruelty into currency, and division into identity. But when the shouting fades, when the flags are rolled up and the rallies end, what fills the silence? Do we heal, or do we harden?

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The Long Shadow of Trumpism

Trump may have ignited the fire, but the tinder was already there — decades of resentment, disinformation, and moral drift. Economic inequality, cultural dislocation, and a deep distrust in government created a nation primed for manipulation. Trumpism became less an ideology than an emotional contagion: part nostalgia, part rage, part performance.

When he’s gone, his base won’t suddenly vanish. The autocratic mindset he normalized — the belief that might makes right, that cruelty equals strength, that lies can be “alternative facts” — will linger like smoke in the air long after the blaze is out.

And those who profited from it — politicians, media figures, influencers — will try to keep the embers glowing for as long as they can.

But movements like this eventually collapse under their own contradictions. They eat their young. Loyalty to the “leader” becomes loyalty to chaos. The cruelty that bound them together becomes the thing that tears them apart.

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The Risk of Overcorrection

And yet, as often happens after trauma, we may swing too far in the other direction.

There’s already talk — among moderates, among progressives, among those simply exhausted — of cleansing the culture, of reasserting “decency” through moral vigilance. But moral vigilance easily curdles into moral panic.

“Cancel culture” may have started with good intentions — to hold people accountable — but too often it turned into a mirror image of what it sought to fight: mob justice, public shaming, and fear of honest dialogue.

If we’re not careful, our outrage at the Right’s abuses could blind us to our own. A democracy cannot survive if it replaces one orthodoxy with another. The goal must not be to silence our enemies but to outgrow them.

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The Opportunity to Grow Up

The deeper hope is that this long, humiliating chapter in American life might also be a kind of forced maturity.

We’ve learned, painfully, how fragile truth is when weaponized by power. We’ve seen how easily institutions crumble when people stop believing in them. We’ve learned how racism, sexism, and conspiracy can disguise themselves as “freedom.”

Maybe, just maybe, this becomes a national awakening — a civic adulthood. A renewed respect for facts, for kindness, for humility.

Imagine a future in which people remember Trumpism not as a political phase but as a warning label: This is what happens when entertainment replaces ethics, when anger becomes identity.

That future won’t arrive by default. It will require effort — from schools that teach civic reasoning, from media that rebuild trust, and from citizens who choose empathy over performance. The antidote to Trumpism isn’t another savior or another slogan. It’s slow, unglamorous civic repair.

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What We Choose Next

The post-Trump era will test who we really are. We can either remain addicted to outrage or reclaim the hard, steady work of democracy.

We can keep fighting over purity — Left or Right — or rediscover the power of shared reality.

Maybe we’ll never fully be “inoculated” against the disease of authoritarianism. But we can at least recognize its symptoms sooner: the scapegoating, the mockery of knowledge, the romance of strength.

And if we do, perhaps this dark age of Trump will one day be remembered not as America’s fall — but as the moment we finally decided to grow up.

Cheers! Sláinte! Na zdravie!

Compiled with aid of ChatGPT

Escaping the Political Gravitational Pull: Hope Beyond Destructive Ideologies

Time dilation, as described in general relativity, explains how time moves slower in stronger gravitational fields or at higher velocities. The closer you get to a massive object, like a planet or a black hole, the more time slows down. It's a concept that challenges our common-sense understanding of time, making it seem almost fluid and relative based on the circumstances.

Now, applying this concept to politics is a fascinating idea. Just as gravitational fields warp time, political ideologies warp perceptions of reality. People within certain political "fields" experience time differently, based on the ideologies and alliances they subscribe to. For example, in the case of Trump, JD Vance, and Lindsey Graham, we might see this "time dilation" in how their political careers and actions unfold in different contexts.

Trump, as the central political figure in this metaphor, can be seen as a massive force, akin to a black hole of political gravity. His rhetoric, controversies, and style have created a gravitational pull that bends the perceptions of time for his followers and opponents alike. For Trump supporters (MaGA), time seems to be running at a different pace—they experience a political reality that is far removed from what others perceive as "normal." Political events that might cause outrage or concern for those outside this gravitational field barely register within it.

JD Vance and Lindsey Graham, though caught in Trump's orbit, have a different relationship with the political "time" in which they exist. Vance, for example, has leaned into Trump's narrative, shaping his political career around that gravitational pull. His time in the political sphere is marked by accelerated movements toward policies that align with Trump’s worldview, even if they are seen as eccentric or extreme to outsiders. Meanwhile, Graham, often oscillating between support and criticism of Trump, might experience a form of political "time" that feels constantly shifting, like an object in a fluctuating gravitational field. His oscillations between positions create a sense of instability in his political trajectory.

The contrast between these figures is like observing different time rates in close proximity to one another. Some are accelerating toward certain extreme views, while others are caught in a cycle of adaptation and change, constantly orbiting the larger force of Trump’s political influence.

In this "political time dilation," the slower-paced areas—the moderates or those outside the immediate gravitational influence—see the actions of Trump, Vance, and Graham as more extreme, out of step with conventional political time. Meanwhile, inside their orbit, it feels like a natural progression, even if it appears wildly inconsistent or erratic to outsiders.

Just as in general relativity, where different observers experience time differently depending on their proximity to a gravitational source, political observers feel the impact of major political figures and ideologies in dramatically different ways. Time, in politics, isn’t just a measurement—it’s shaped by the power dynamics that govern who is in control of the "gravitational field."

Fascism has an outsized weight or density to politics and sensibilities, just as does Donald Trump.

Destructive ideologies, like fascism, tend to have greater weight in politics for several reasons, much like how heavy gravitational fields have a more profound impact on time or objects within their reach. Here’s how this works in both a theoretical and practical sense:

1. Centralized Power and Charismatic Leadership: Fascism often gravitates toward a highly centralized, authoritarian structure, where a single leader or a small group controls the political system. The leader becomes a focal point of authority and influence, much like a massive object that pulls everything toward it. This concentration of power makes it easier for destructive thought to spread quickly, because the state machinery, propaganda, and security forces can all be harnessed to reinforce and normalize these ideas.

   In this sense, fascism becomes like a political black hole—everything around it gets drawn in and warped. Once established, fascism tends to consume all opposing views and consolidate its power by eliminating or silencing dissent. Over time, this centralization of control allows fascism to dominate and reshape the political "field" around it.

2. Us vs. Them Mentality: Fascist ideologies thrive on creating clear divides between groups—often based on race, ethnicity, nationalism, or other identity markers. This "us vs. them" mentality can serve to polarize societies and make opposing political thought feel like a threat. By establishing an "enemy" or "outsider," fascism has the power to unify its base under a common cause while justifying the marginalization or violence against those who don’t align with the ideology.

   This division acts like a political gravitational force, warping public discourse and leading to the normalization of violence or oppressive policies. Once this narrative takes hold, it’s harder for more moderate or inclusive viewpoints to be heard, much like how time dilation makes it harder for external observers to perceive events within a gravitational well.

3. Crisis Exploitation: Fascist movements often emerge during times of crisis—whether economic, social, or political. During crises, people tend to feel more vulnerable and desperate for solutions. A charismatic leader promising strong, decisive action can appeal to these anxieties. This creates fertile ground for fascism to flourish, as it promises a way out of chaos through authoritarian control, scapegoating, and radical change.

   The weight of fascism in such contexts is amplified because it feeds on fear and uncertainty. The longer it can dominate the discourse, the harder it becomes for more rational or democratic ideas to push through the distorted political landscape. In a way, the crisis acts as the "initial mass" that accelerates the pull of fascist ideologies, making them even harder to resist.

4. Cultural and Historical Memory: In many cases, fascism doesn't just present new ideas; it taps into historical grievances, cultural myths, and long-standing fears. This historical resonance makes fascist thought more weighty, as it draws on deep-seated prejudices, resentments, and fears. For example, fascist rhetoric may appeal to a nostalgic sense of "lost glory," "national pride," or the idea of restoring a mythical past, creating a sense of urgency to act in a way that is seen as "patriotic" or "necessary."

   The historical weight behind these ideas can be powerful, distorting perceptions of the present and future. Much like how an object with immense mass can alter the trajectory of smaller objects around it, fascist ideas can change the course of political movements and societies.

5. Media and Propaganda: In the modern age, fascist movements have effectively utilized media and propaganda to disseminate their views. By controlling or influencing the narrative, they can shape public opinion and distort the reality of a situation. Propaganda serves as the vehicle that carries fascist ideas, amplifying their weight and reach. The more they saturate public discourse, the harder it becomes for other ideologies to break through.

   In this sense, fascist ideologies spread like a gravitational field that distorts the political conversation. The more people are exposed to the narrative, the more likely they are to accept or normalize it, even if it’s destructive or oppressive. Over time, this manipulation of the media and information becomes a powerful tool to ensure the ideologies maintain their weight in politics.

6. Resistance to Change: Once fascism has taken root in a society, it can create a feedback loop that makes it difficult to break free from. Institutions, laws, and societal norms may be reshaped to align with fascist principles, and these changes become entrenched. The longer this lasts, the harder it is to undo the damage, much like how time becomes irrevocably distorted near a black hole. Even if the political environment changes, the lingering effects of fascism—through laws, economic systems, and social divisions—can persist.

In short, the weight of fascism in politics stems from its ability to consolidate power, create fear-driven unity, exploit crises, draw on historical memory, manipulate media, and resist change. Just as a black hole’s immense gravity warps space and time, fascism warps political systems and societies, often making it harder for moderate or democratic forces to challenge its dominance. The more these elements combine, the greater the ideological pull—and the more difficult it becomes to break free from its influence.

Despite the heavy gravitational pull of destructive ideologies like fascism, there is always potential for resistance and renewal. Just as light can escape from the edges of a black hole if the right conditions align, so too can societies break free from oppressive political forces when people come together with shared values of justice, equality, and democracy. History has shown us that even in the darkest times, movements for freedom, human rights, and progress have emerged stronger, challenging the status quo and restoring balance.

The key is the power of collective action—individuals and communities who refuse to be swayed by fear or division, who seek truth, and who build inclusive political environments. Whether through peaceful protest, the advocacy of truth, or the formation of resilient democratic institutions, it is possible to create a political "field" where hope, compassion, and understanding have a greater weight than fear, hate, and division.

In the end, while ideologies may hold sway for a time, they are not permanent fixtures. People have the power to reshape the trajectory of politics, to rewrite the story, and to move toward a future where the forces of justice and compassion are the ones that define the pace and direction of change.

Compiled with aid of ChatGPT

 

On Being a Man Today

What does it mean to be, a "Man" in today's world? That's a good question. One that is leaving many confused, flustered, even angry and bitter. We are also seeing this in the workplace when jobs disappear when businesses fall by the wayside. When we refuse to change with the times. to learn new things, to adapt as our ancestors did with changing environments during the ice age and beyond up until today.

I'm not talking about macho bullshit. I'm not talking about homoerotica. I'm not talking about self-involved obtrusiveness, aggressiveness or arrogance. I am not talking about misogynistic ridiculosities.

I'm talking about being, a Man. Not just a male. Bu a useful, respectful and decent human being. it is about at least understanding humility if not exhibiting it openly.

Note that there are many things similar to being an enlightened being, to what it means to be a woman, a minority, a person in a weak position in a culture. Or a human. When you have to watch out for all you do every day or suffer the consequences, you have to be more aware. And when you do not and "suddenly" find you have to, it's a shock which elicits anger and a lashing out. Better to stop and think and react appropriately.

Due to a variety of factors including not being a woman, a minority, in my view as I am a man, I really have no right to tell women what to do. I have no idea why men do not seem to see this. Fear of a loss of control one might presume. When I'm holding a deciding factor (as an elected official, as a legislator) I would need to be aware of concerns outside my realm, my comfort zone.

Yes, we all make mistakes. We may be raised with a belief system that is challenged once we get out into the world and as an adult. And so we pick ourselves up and try to do better with each day.

Still many male American politicians seem to think they have or should have, just that right. As if, God-given. Some of those "rights" some "people" also seem to believe are God-given rights. Obviously, they are among some of the biggest assholes on earth. Obviously, those types got us into this situation in the first place.

Abraham Maslow  (1954) came up with several things that all humans need in order to survive.

Late in the process, however, thank "God", he added in sex as one of those elements.

Good for him. Good for us.

Here's his list:

1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, sex, etc.;

2) Safety/security: out of danger;

3) Belongingness and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted; and

4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition.

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore;

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty;

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential; and

8) Self-transcendence: to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential.

To address these issues in the context of being male, I would offer this...

We seem, especially some on the right in this country, to stop politically at number four.

We keep the first one, our physiological needs as primary and so it should be. But we need to realize others have those needs, too. At times we seem to forget that.

As it is with #2, safety, #3 association, social needs, #4 self and group esteem.

But one does not need to put down others in order to raise oneself or one's group up. It leads to racism and bigotry and the "us against them" tribal mentality so prevalent today in American politics.

We need to move beyond into the latter numbers. The argument has always been lame: "We don't have the money for less important issues." Then where is the money? We had it, where does it go?

We need as number four indicates, to think more, to see beyond ourselves, to see the entire picture, not just our own, or our own group's view. That is what being enlightened is about, in seeing all the associated issues and having the wherewithal to address them in productive and helpful ways. Not ignoring them because, they are too hard. That means that sometimes we may even need to take a backseat to others' needs when it is appropriate.

Self-actualization means we need to move beyond ourselves to be better and to always try to be even better tomorrow than we are today.

Self-transcendence is taking our higher selves and actualizing that part of ourselves. To see beyond our self and our concerns and that of our group. To feel empathy for others and compassion, and to seek not just our better position in the world but our ability to be a better human being...in this world. That one thing could make this world a better place. Not just for ourselves, but for others and for others who have little say in how things are done, when, or where.

Truth, decency, compassion, understanding. Being a "man" is not just about the old paradigms. It is also about being aware of, and being better than, and even outside of our personal understanding of the world. It is about being more than we are and think we can be.

Yes, being a Man, being a Person in today's world is not as easy as it once was.

But this is the world we live in today and we need to at least try, to understand when we fail, to know that our attitude about all this has much to do with how we view the world and how we are perceived and so too, how we grow as a person.

Knowing vs Thinking We Know

After what we've just been through with the SCOTUS (sign the petition?) nominations, partisan politics, America being torn apart with help from Russia, with help from Republicans, both for decades now when no one seemed to notice except for a few, we need to re-evaluate what the hell we are doing. To America.

But perhaps more importantly, to ourselves.

None of us really knows what the hell we're doing. Even when we do, sometimes that falls by the wayside because things change, and we do not notice. Or things change and we do not noticed because that is how it was planned out, laid upon us, covertly undermining our reality. Some of us seem to do better than others. Why? How? Luck? Intellect? Acting like a bully? Underhanded means? Good Karma? Yes, and no.

Some of us have more rules in our head than other. Or some react better to situations than other. Or some of us just seem luckier than others and so just seem to "know" what they're doing.

But then suddenly the market changes and they're broke. Or their spouse has an affair, and they're single. Or their company downsizes and they can't find a new job, even though they may be generally overqualified. Or one day their kid simply gives up, totally and completely, and yet, no one saw it coming.

Someone said that the three most important things in life are timing, speed, and distance. Those are things you can practice and perfect. But they are not... everything.

What matters most is that we care, that we go on. That we have the right amounts of compassion and perseverance.

Because if you don't care, you won't go on. If you don't go on, you won't be there anymore for anyone to care about. And those you cared about won't have you anymore to care about them.

Just be sure to care about the right things. Try hard to always have them in the right order. Maintain the right priorities in your life. But be careful. Because too often, when viewed from outside of ourselves, outside of our lives, even outside of our country, we aren't doing what we think we are.

Why?

Because you know what? Most of us don't. Most of us really don't know what we're doing, we're just faking it so others think we know what we're doing. But give it some time and effort, some serious consideration.

In maintaining the right priorities in your own life, you affect many others. Because it helps others to find the right priorities in their life, too. And sometimes, what is right for you, isn't for them. So then what?

Exactly. Pay better attention. Because from what we're seeing, too many simply aren't.

The Healthcare Disease after Heart Disease

NOTE: I just wanted to say, to those of you who have donated money to help this family out this week, from them and myself, Thank You So Much!

A very good friend of mine recently had a serious scare in his life. He almost lost the person closest to him in his life, aside from his daughter, that is.

I've known him since I was having trouble in my own life back in 1992 around the time we first met. He was the nicest guy in the world and working at a local establishment that has a fond spot in my heart. A local brew pub called The Big Time Ale House on the "Ave" in the "U District" in Seattle. My marriage was disintegrating around me. I had a four year old boy. I had bills. I ended up living in a house where I rented a room from the woman who was leasing the house. It was a sad period in my life.

At one point, I was working two full time jobs so that I could get enough money to buy my son a Christmas present. I had been eating top ramen for my one meal per day. I got a second job at a bakery making Pasty's. I was working for a Ex Pat Brit who also ran a Pub on the "Ave" called The Unicorn. During this time I was hanging with this friend in my off time when he was available. A bright light in an otherwise dark period.

Then he moved to California for a while and we lost touch. After a whille he moved up to Portland and eventually got married and had a daughter, Mollie. Recently his wife, had a medical scare and we were quite worried but she came through it. They came through it, but as our health care is in America (and don't get me started on that topic), they are now left with bills from it.

They are good people, they are hard working, small business people. The started a business last year cleaning houses. The two of them. Now, just he can do it. They got their dream started up, things were going well, then this happened. To me, they are the cream of America, and they need help.

If you've ever had a medical condition and came through it, but were left with large bills from it, then you know that the bills can be almost as devestating emotionally, as the original condition that almost killed you. I never understood that about healthcare. "Great, I survived, but the stress is killing me anyway and I may have a heart attack just from that!"

The other day, on her own, their daughter Mollie put up a donations page. They didn't ask for it. She just wanted to do something to help. So I figured that the least I could do, after donating what I could, was to give others the opportunity to help too. If everyone that reads my blog were to donate $10, just $10, it would pay off their medical bills.

So, please, consider it.

All I want to do now is to post their daughter's words from her donations page and, if you feel moved, please help them out with anything. $20? $10? Even $5 would help, if enough people donated.

So here she is and thank you for your time and consideration. This isn't something you will ever see me do very often.

My name is Mollie and I am 18 years old. On December 26, my mom began experiencing severe chest pains. I called 911, not knowing what was really happening as they drove her to the nearest hospital. The next day, after testing, doctors informed us that she had a minor heart attack and needed to be moved to a bigger hospital where she could have her Angiogram. A few days later the heart surgeon suggested a triple bypass as her best option. For a diabetic with heart disease and three stints put in 11 years ago, he believed that bypass surgery would be the most beneficial to her. We were all scared, but we encouraged her to go through with the surgery.

December 31 my mother had her surgery. After many anxious hours I got word that all went well, though she ended up needing a quadruple bypass instead of a triple. January 5, 2013 my mom came home. Though she is getting better every day, she is still in the process of recovering. 

My parents own a house cleaning business; however, since my mother will be out of work for up to four months my dad has completely taken over, while I stay at home. I am a full time college student, while also taking care of my mom in her recovery. 

With a huge amount of hospital bills, regular expenses, the cost of medication, and daily needs, we are very tight on money. We understand everyone is going through hard times right now, so any amount will help. Thank you for listening to our story and support my family in this difficult time. God bless.

So, that was Mollie. Thank you for your time.

Here is the link to the donations page.